My Dad

There was a thread up in The Coffee Shop Forum entitled tell me about your father........ and I was going to, right up to the moment someone drops the bombshell that their dad took their virginity when they were 4......... that is not really a story I want to follow ........ so let me tell you about my dad.

When I was little my dad was my hero, he could do no wrong in my eyes, he taught me so many things, most importantly he taught me to think and how to learn

In my teens he began to lose it, he divorced my mum, then married and got custody of me and my siblings, then divorced, then married, then divorced.
He nearly killed me one night with his hands round my throat slowly squeezing the life out of me, the realisation that I couldn't hurt him even to save myself; my sister and wife 3 screaming until he stopped. And all because I tried to stop him hitting, no beating my little brother.
Screaming rows, beatings cos of things other people had done, friends scared for us and checking we got home safely.
Dad calling my thick, and a whore, telling me that he would never let me go, so I left and ran as fast as I could - away from him even though I was only 17 and still in school.

No contact with my dad for several years while I put myself through school. Hard years, no room for softness, then or now.

In my twenties we rebuilt a fragile relationship and I realised he had a drink problem and always had. He dated a woman, my age and a heroin addict. I don't meet her she is afraid to face me, but I don't understand why.
Twenties blur into thirties - a panicked call and an 80 mile drive through a blizzard to find out he is all right. Other times the beatings by her dealers he is just and old man. Until he moves, my sister whisks him to safety and he betrays her; moves the addict in; my sister evicts her father.
The heroin addict falls/throws herself from a 3rd floor window smashing both legs to be on crutches forever. Crutches which she uses to beat my dad. I hate her, but he will not leave her and it is not my choice.

A call in the winter - he was beaten and unconscious all night in the snow, frozen to death, no heart beat when they found him, he will not live. So this time I drive 300miles to be at his side and he lives. It is a miracle, he lives and he is himself, so they let him out and let him back to her ................

Until he was found again in the spring, no freezing night, no stopped heart, no going back either ............... my dad's body is alive, but my dad is dead and has been more than a year now ................ he did lots wrong, but he gifted me many things as well, and although every time I see him I tell him, I know it is too late .... Dad, I love you and I forgive you

Shinju